last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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