dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
