i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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