Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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