girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
