we have pet lesbian snakes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
