i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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