I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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