Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
