did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize