her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
