I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
