I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
