I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
