so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
