This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i've created a new STD.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
