Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
