I wish they made helmets for livers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
