he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
