I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
