LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
