ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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