I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
