those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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