Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your penis caused this!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize