This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
