maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
