my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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