OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
