when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
