He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
