im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
