afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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