I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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