That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
