bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
