The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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