I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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