Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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