Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Randomize
