Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
