for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
