Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
