Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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