As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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