I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
