This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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