Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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