okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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