I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
