every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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