I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
