**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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