Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She's the barista slut.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
