your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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