Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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