We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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