This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
