I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
