I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
