I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
