He is an equal opportunity slut.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
