I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
