I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
