i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize