i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
