Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
