i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
