wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
