So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize