they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
