there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
