are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
