You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
