Kiss
Puke
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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