im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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