He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
