atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
