I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
