And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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