I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
