Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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