I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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