Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
how drunk are you?
Several
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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