Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize