Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
