NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
