so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
