i already hear my dad disowning me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
