It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
