I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
