So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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