Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
