There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
