i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize