accomplished twins. life is a go
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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