We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
