TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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